Manual

RTFM it's an acronym to Read The Fucking Manual,
These days there is a Fucking Manual for using even the toilet drain,
what about this invaluable piece of machinery that every one of us
uses 24/7 but never paused to read the fucking manual,
Wondering what that machine is ?
RFTM
here's an less scientific and lazy man's MAN-page
check out this video

The phoenix rises from the ashes

I know i am a "piece of shit" right now in your eyes,
i don't even deserve a reply ??
U've blocked me in all u r messengers... what am i if
not a
piece of shit in your eyes,
Guess what Fuck it..!
i give a shit..
I'm gonna show this Fucken world, what i am made of
NO MORE TEARS..!

Why should i Cry ???

U're the one who lost some-one who loves you..
Not me..

No one ever gave shit, abt me.. but its gonna change
This is my life and these times are so hard,
i will work through, i dont want your pity


Be selfish, you have every reason to be,
But i'll be back, back to fill in every moment i
missed


I can do anything i can set my mind to. and i know
whati am born for. I know the purpose of my life. No more
confusions

adieos
So Long...!

PS: Ppl don't be confused, its a monolgue from a screen play that i am working on...! it aint my story :)

I am..!

Today, i really felt what is to be dead, i have seen my soul leaving my body.
I wanted to cry out loud, but i wasn't able to, there is so much pain that i
not able to feel. I know its in me, but i am not able to feel it.

when the pain you are trying to conquer mocks at you, saying that you have to live with it for the rest of your life.
when it talks to you as though it has become a part of you.
when you are disillusioned, but its too hard to accept the reality.
when you start questioning yourself, why am i still sane ?
How am i still breathing ??

You can feel something dying inside you, you can smell the odor of death, death of those subliminal thoughts that make you have that recurrent dream. when you start
realizing what "pain" actually is.

How can you still be alive...???
Am i evil ?? Yes i am, Cause i am living dead.
i am the cause of my misery, i am the pain that consumes me
i am the death that awaits me to go six feet under.
I am the life that has just pierced through me.
I am the thought that cheats me saying it's Gonna be ok...!
It's never gonna be Fucking ok...!
I am the reason, that betrayed me.

I am a fucking pussy, who cant take a break up, who cant move on with life
Who can't stand on his feet, who needs a woman's bosom to comfort him.

I am the truth that i am running away from

I am the person who i hate the most.

I am the alibi for a life lost in self reproach

I am the finger pulling trigger, in point blank.

I am the ashes, floating in the water and blowing in the wind

I am the tremor that shakes my whole body, with each whim of pain.

I am the coward, who's gonna live the rest of the life living someone else's dream and thinking that he's doing the right thing.

I am the idiot who never thought twice.

I am the villain in my story.

War n Life

They say,
" it's never easy to kill a person,looking him in the Eye",

But, come to think of it, It was never easy to accept so many
harsh truths about life for all of us.
I remember my first visit to the slaughter house, i swore to become a
vegiterian for the rest of my life when i saw a chicken being killed ruthelessly
right in front of my immaculate soul that has never been so close to death.
What happened after that ???
i was a vegiterian for about 5 years but slowly
my point of view changed, i was by then aware of the darwin's principle
"Survival of the Fittest".

This, may not be analagous to what goes in the mind of a soldier before he
reloads for another rampage, he might be trained to kill,
" Pride of the Nation, The spirit of America, Freedom and Justice for all "
could be some of the strong convictions
that might have given him the impetus to join the army
or it might have been mere poverty, which is by statistics a dominant factor.

All these great ideals, may have kept him strong during the
strenuous training, where he is trained to be a rutheless killer
who doesnt think twice before pulling the trigger.
But, on the battle field the sight of a dying person, those cries of
help would be resonating in his mind not those high ideals or the
tough pep talks of his commanding officer.

These events must have made him question the very cause of his actions,
the glimpse of truth put him in this utter state of depression and lack of
motivation. A state of remorse, will clatter his hands and they will
tremble at the mere sight of the enemy, at this point it boils down to a corollary
Darwin's Good Ole principle, "Survival of the Quickest"
He makes his way throgh all the hard days, returns home to a soldiers welcome and
spends the first day or two thinking it's all over.

But, little does he realise that he is no longer the same person, some thing deep down inside him has changed, the whole concept of a country and the "Line of Control", will look
funny and hypothetical, cause he knows that they dont exist.
Some go up in ranks, some quit, some become veterans these doesnt interest me
But there are some who become "Serial Killers", Obsessed and Haunted by their
past life, they suffer dellusions , scenes of war are still visible in front of their
eyes, they are still fighting, but this time the enemy doest have a name, he doest
have a batallion, he comes in many forms. All he knows is that he has to be on the
gaurd, his hands on the trigger are pleading for action

How Does this Story End ???

Sinking Thoughts

Life is moving in to that phase, where you are not a
part of anyones life, but yours.People seem so consumed
by their daily desires and responsibilities that beyond
a point everything that they are possibly concerned
about are themselves.
It clearly shows, when someone is dis-interested in
what you want to express.That is what has been happening to me.

Being an introvert for most of my life has left it's scars on me,
whenever i let myself alone, i tend go down that path.
I tend to put myself in a cocoon and shun my thoughts in to the
black holes of my conscious brain.
And @ times like these when i am trying to
get rid of these old habits, people turn their Fucken Knives
inside me and make feel even bitter.
But i won't let my thoughts consume me.
It does'nt mena that i want to stop my thoughts
"i would dare not".
Because to me this "Thought" is what defines me in this time capsule
of my life which itself is a infinitesimal glitch in the entirety of the Universe.

So, when someone says to that i am trying to prove myself
superior to him/her .I feel like snapping out of this monotonous circle of life
with such a terminal velocity that i escape the concept of time and hence the
human conceptions of life and death.
"What Matters ??"
Is the Question we all when we pause to take the next gasp of air
before we drown again in to this sea of illusions.
The Quintessential thing for me is to know the secret of life
not from an evolutionary point of view.
I feel every event that we experience is an instance of so many
random distributions that your computer is smart enough to compute
Nor your brain has yet learnt/discovered all these events.

"Feasibility ??"

"Intuition ---> Conceptualisation ??"

"Conceptualisation --> Formulation --> Theoretical Analysis --> Implementaion
---> Demonstration "

Demonstration This is what everyone Fucken want to see...!
This is what they look for subconsciously when they
earn for a magic show / suspense thriller.

"Movies" && "Me"

Why am i so intrigued by moveis ???
why do i want to become a writer/director

1. Am i selfish ??
No, not in this goal

2. Vision
I had this vision, when i was commuting in yet another day of my
lab-rat life. The concept that the thought that
generated from your brain being communicated to billlions of
brains which are eager to know what it means.
Eager to feel it as you've felt it. Eager to see the world through your eyes

This is what gives me the kicks, This is a reason Big enough to dedicate the
rest of my life.