.....Moments....!

These tiny particles in the sands of time..
these moments that make up the days,
the months and years, the very threads
of the canvas that you have woven around you
all through your life.
Painting the world around you, just the way you thought it
was supposed to be . This game you were never good at it,
not atleast as good as you wanted to be.
The greasy oil stains, the unpleasant moments you want to erase so desperately
from your memories, yet the stains remain.

The short moments of realization, when you come out of the frame
and look at the picture that you have painted all your life.
These moments that you chose to grasp in words,fade away.
These which show you things for what they are, they never last.
They leave you,
you as a branch,
struck by the thruth of ligthening, the lightening some refer to as
"Nirvana", was always with you, may be not as a state of mind, but as a breif allusion from the
eternal illusion around you.

This moment, how you wish you could hold it, freeeze it and own it. You, just wish too much, dear.

you're gone aren't you ?
oh...my moment of truth..!!
it'll be long before i'll get a glimpse of you.
before you come along the next time, you will find me
working diligently on my canvas,
giving it more colour, more people, more worthless experiences.
Next time i pass to see you, be sure to come harsh on me.
Strike me, with all your fury,may i cease my ground on this woven frame of my memories.

oh..my moment of light..!!
you don't depress me.
I await you, not knowing this abet the long hiatus.
As i drown myself in the recurrence, i await you.

Drawn in or Drawn Apart ??

Sometimes it never occurs to you.. that you've been transformed in to a
whole different person, not until someone shows you your reflection
in your views, your thoughts, your apprehensions and your whole
behavioural patterns. This change, to you, happened so very naturally, just like the beard growing right beneath your chin.. which you never feel so is your psyche
which is changing this very instant.

Sometimes makes me wonder, should i take a personality test everyday ?
Before i do that, is there such an ideal test that can show me for what i am ?
Sadly, the existance of such a test is as mythical as the very idea of knowing
oneself completely.The zillions of variables that give a shape to the
consciousness that we experience, can hardly be evaluated to determine
our personality. I've taken a few personality tests which classify human beings in
to a finite set of personality traits, as it goes with every PT, you are initially
asked a set of questions and based on what you scored on them you will be given a
combination of traits that which will determine the results of the test.

The most common trick that the authors of such tests play is that
when you go ahead and read your personality, no matter what score you
have got in the test, you will find some encouraging inferences about your
personality, most of the inferences immaterial of whether they are true,
are definitely cheesy. Though, you sometimes know that what is said
about you doesnt really portray you, the fact that something good is being
said about you, subconsciously makes you adapt and accept to that, and
when such an acceptance is subconscious you never realize that you
are being tricked, but do feel that what is being said completely relates to you.

They choose to be euphonic when it comes to putting down your turn-offs,
for instance,
saying that you are a team player, and are adaptable to pressurizing situations,
instead of mentioning that you lack a leadership quality, wouldnt hurt you
as much as listening to the truth in a more harsh way, which basically is that
"you suck at leadership..!"

My point is, no matter what bin the personality test puts you in, you accept to
fit in only when you are okay with it subconsciously, so is your concept of
having a personality in the first place.
If someone comes up to you and says right to your face that you lack a
personality, or character. These words(personality/character)which
you took pride in saying all the while, when are rendered meaningless
will sure hurt your feelings.But, if you really know how complex a
mechanism you are, to be labelled as something or to possess the notion of
being a person of certain character, will sure become a farce.

So, don't sterotype yourself, to some idea of this self that you've been
repeating to yourself every instance, for a change try to think of yourself
as water, water that takes the shape of the container it flows in to.
Be Formless.. my friend.. Be the Water.. !!