As i sit here in my hole of a cube, i wonder what it is to be like one of the species surviving in the cubes around me. If you thought a married life with family and kids can become boring, you might be right in an ideal world. For the species i interact on a daily basis here, home could be a pretty happening place. Their days are spent amid the greyness of these multi-storied, rectangular, bland clusters of the so called skyscrapers. They come in like a flok of sheep, doing their ant parades, mechanically pressing the buttons of the elevator , flashing their RFID blue badges, gorging caffeine from their venti size coffee cups, and swinging their modest laptops. They are there when i get to work, and there after i leave, these perpetual pests, have they lost the urge to seek out of this smothering mundanity ?
For all i know i find it hard to accept that this is what i am going to turn into. To come to grips with this seemingly certain future and culmination of my ambitious youth. Years will pass by so quick, not in pain or bliss, but in a numbing complacency of a modestly paying job and a undemanding life-style. Till the day you sit in the same cube, year from now, with thinning grey hair, wodering what had happened to all the years of your youth, why have you chosen to be what you have become, and write a post on it just like the one you are writing now. You will do it cause its easy, easy to sit secluded from the world in a cube of your own, justifying the years passing by with the the sum you accumulated in your bank account, and the not so often weekend trip to vegas. Getting moulded and attuned to an acquired notion of happiness, which all the people you know in the herd are seeming to be content with. You might even go as far as running (crawling ?) a marathon with your colleagues, just to show off how wild you still are in that balding skull of yours. They will tag you with terms like assistant, junior manager once in every 10 years, giving you a false sense of achievement, like a piece of rotten meat in a lions cage, this will keep you domestic enough to still hang a poster of that ex-sports phenomenon you always ramble about at lunch. Don't be fooled, you would never realize it while you are in it. You will still be a winner, just like your dad/mom wanted you to be, living up to the expectations of that 4th grade teacher who used to mark excellents! on your homeworks. You will be the talking head of a few meetings, displaying all the corporate vocabulary you amassed over the years, skillfully executing the 10 golden rules of social interaction seminar you were defaulted into.
It wouldn't be too long from now, the day you will be going back to the university you once graduated from, with aspirations of no less than a noble laurette, representing your little no-name group in the big umbrella corporation. Trying to live up to the expectations of those front row, four eyed fools, you will ramble on about how planning is important for a successful career, how you once were just like them, and about the importance of personality development form an early age, and all sorts of bull you can think of, like a cubicle cowboy, a fucking rockstar of the rats!. Making it sound like the most exciting job one could ever imagine to be in, you will manage to con-in a few fools to join the herd. How far will you go before you hit the wall ( of your rat hole ) ? Wishing for a second chance, wishing you were never born, wanting to start over, to be a kid again, to experience the forgotten stiffness in your pants, to be truly wanted, to wake up and have a smoke without a worry in the world, to not look at the clock 24 times a day...
Hope you remember this rant, for your own good, just call it quits when you think is the time and have no regrets on it, remember this feeling while you are going through it, cause once you leave it your brain is destined to forget how numb you have once become, and will end up making the grass greener on the otherside.
